


Best Kept Secret

by starsalign



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Angst, Catholic School, Drug Use, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Implied Sexual Content, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Other, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:33:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21957439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsalign/pseuds/starsalign
Summary: "You know, things can't go on like this forever."Eddie sighed, "God, all this forever, can't you live for today?"There was a pain in Richie's chest. He couldn't do anything to prevent the tears that started streaming down his cheeks. "We have to grow up, or we're going to miss out. Eds, there's so much more to love."Eddie grabbed Richie's hand, once again pulling him close. With his free hand, he brushed away Richie's tears, gently cradling his face. "It's best kept secret, I promise."or:Richie and Eddie go to a Catholic school and try to keep their relationship secret. As it becomes harder to cover up the truth, Richie doesn't want hide anymore.tldr; bare a pop opera (highly recommended) au
Relationships: Bill Denbrough/Audra Phillips, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 10
Kudos: 27





	1. You and I

The first mass following winter break seemed to drone on longer than usual. 

The Priest led the congregation in the usual prayer,  
"I confess: To almighty God, and to you, my brothers and sisters. That I have sinned through my own fault; in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and in what I have failed to do. And I ask the blessed Mary, ever virgin, all the angels and saints, and you, my brothers and sisters- to pray for me to the Lord, our God."

Richie never cared much for Catholicism. His parents weren't awfully religion, but Derry Catholic School was supposedly the best school in town. It just happened to also be a super religious boarding school. He felt his eye lids sagging, about to give in to the fatigue...

Stan launched out of his seat in the pews. Richie jumped in shock and stared at his friend, who was usually so soft spoken, never wanting to draw attention to himself. He watched Stan's finger rise towards his face, pointing directly at him. "Yes! Pray for him to the Lord, our God!" 

Richie's eyes widened, "Stan?? What the fuck are you doing?"

"He's living in sin, somebody save him! He would sacrifice his soul for what he believes is love!"

His head jerked to where the voice was coming from. "Ben?? Okay, what the actual fuck?" Richie tried to calm his breathing, but the room was spinning. Do they know? His stomach churning just thinking about the secret he's been holding deep inside him.

Next to speak was Mike. "He brings shame to his family! This is why his parents neglect him."

"And he's dragging that poor boy with him! If you loved him you would let him go!" God, not Bev too, Richie thought.

Richie walked up to the Priest, body trembling. "Father, what's going on?"

"Richie, not at a funeral."

Richie craned his neck and saw a coffin. "God, who the fuck is that?? Is it I Lord, is it I?"

Bill slowly walked up to the coffin. Richie wondered, was he about to give a eulogy? He was always good with words, well, written words.  
"I-I-I'd like to start w-w-with just a...  
if w-we could t-t-take a m-moment..."

With a gasp, Richie woke up, finding himself still in the church pews. He awoke just in time for the Priest to wrap up mass, "Let us go forth, in peace to love and serve the Lord."

***

Richie was still shaken as the students filed out of the chapel. Out of habit, he began chanting to himself, "Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now, at the hour of death."

He headed towards his locker, unable to take his mind off his nightmare. And then he saw him.

Eddie. He was fumbling with some papers before shoving them into his book bag. Richie couldn't help but smile at the sight.

"Hey Eddie Spaghetti!! Isn't it a wonderful morning?" Richie swung an arm over the shorter boy's shoulder.

"God, Richie, don't fucking call me that!"

"Sigh, cute as ever I see. Let me give you a late Christmas present to make up for it! How about a baseball bat, there's one in my pants." Richie winked, ostentatiously flirting as always.

Eddie just rolled his eyes and went back to sorting out his school stuff, clearly suppressing a smile.

"Sooo how was mass? Isn't it weird that this is our last fucking semester in this shithole?"

Eddie couldn't hold back his laughter. "Yeah... I totally slept through the entire thing."

Richie could never get enough of Eddie's laugh. "I stayed awake as along as I could," Richie announced with a widening grin.

Eddie snorted, "Wow, what a good Catholic."

"Ha ha ha, funny." Richie surveyed the hallway. They were alone. He wrapped his arms around Eddie's waist, pulling him close and whispering, "Why don't we go fall asleep together?" 

Eddie smiled back at him, his eyes warm and brown.

"Should I bring my baseball bat?"

Giggling, Eddie replied, "I think you should."

They heard footsteps and voices coming around the corner and immediately leaped apart. Richie recognized the voices of Stan, Ben, and Mike, arguing about whatever they decided was the topic of the hour. 

"Hey Eddie, Richie!" Ben exclaimed. 

Mike grinned at the two of them, "Whatcha guys up to?"

Richie glanced at his feet, reddening slightly as he remembered his dream during mass. Eddie on the other hand cooly replied, "Just discussing how awful mass was. And that we only have a semester of school left!"

"Actually," Richie interjected, "I was just telling Eds here about how I fucked his mom over winter break. I wanted to apologize if we kept him up at any point. We all know his mom is a screamer."

Stan rolled his eyes. "God, I did not miss this."

"Stan! How dare you use the Lord's name in vain??"

They all laughed. Though Richie was annoying as hell, they all missed his awful jokes and contagious laughter. 

Eddie finally retorted, "Shut the fuck up Richie, can't you ever keep your fucking trashmouth to yourself?"

"That's not what your mom said! If you want to see this mouth in action, all you gotta do is ask," Richie announced with a wink.

There was another round of laughter. 

"Having all this fun without me?" They all whipped their heads towards the voice before shouting, "Bev!!"

Her fiery read hair caught all of their eyes. She was trailed my Bill and another girl, who Richie didn't recognize. What he did recognize was Bill's doe eyes, staring longingly at the girl as the two of them chatted.

"What's up guys?" Bill finally said, leaving his conversation with the mystery girl. "T-This is Audra."

Audra had dark brown eyes and even darker short hair. Richie may not have been attracted to women, but he could tell she was gorgeous. 

"Hey!" Audra said sweetly. "I'm Bev's roommate this year." She shook everyone's hands, but Richie noticed that she lingered with one particular hand, Eddie's. Eddie flashed his charming smile, and Audra instantly flushed red, looking to her feet.

Clearly he wasn't the only one to notice, as Bill suddenly was rushing them all towards class. The group began to head over, but Richie caught Eddie's arm and held him back.

"Eds, I know we have class soon but I wanted to ask, the drama department is putting on Romeo and Juliet this spring, and I think you should audition."

"God, you said the same fucking thing last year. You know acting's not my thing. Plus I don't have the time, I need to focus on my GPA."

"Bullshit! We both know you're doing fine. And that you've already submitted your application to Notre Dame, they won't even see this semester's grades. Clearly it's something else."

"I don't act, Rich!"

"I think we're the best act this school has ever seen!"

They both went silent. Eddie slowly walked up to Richie, wrapping his arms around his neck. "You know I only have eyes for you. Forever you and I right? Let's just think about tonight, we'll cuddle in bed, and see how far we get." He went on his tip toes and placed a quick, soft kiss to Richie's lips. Too quick.

"Was that supposed to shut me up?"

"Yes! How the else am I going to get you to shut your fucking mouth?"

"How cruel Eds!" Richie gasped, clutching his chest and feigning hurt. 

They laughed, and for a brief moment they could forget that the world was against them. A passing moment where they were together and that was all that mattered. 

Richie pulled the shorter boy toward him, leaning down as Eddie perched up to meet him halfway, tangling his fingers in Richie's hair. *RING* The bell rang, signalling the start of class.

Eddie pulled back and smirked, "Miss me."

Watching the love of his life rush away from him, pushing away any sense of doubt, Richie mumbled to himself, "Forever you and I."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone! this is the first fic I've written in a loooong time so I hope you like it and I welcome any feedback. thanks for reading!
> 
> this is based off bare a pop opera and I'll list the songs that each chapter corresponds to in the notes 
> 
> "Epiphany"  
> "You and I"  
> "Role of a Lifetime"


	2. Rolling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was hard to write, but I hope you guys like it! 
> 
> I thought I would put the songs at the top so you could listen while reading if you wanted
> 
> "Auditions"  
> "Wonderland"  
> "Rolling"  
> "Best Keep Secret"

"But, soft what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon."

"Going for Romeo, Big Bill?"

"Oh, hey R-Richie, yeah! I've b-b-been in the l-last few p-p-plays and t-thought why not t-try for the lead?"

Richie smirked, "You sure it has nothing to do with the fact that Audra is trying for Juliet?"

"Shut the f-f-fuck up!" Bill cried, ears reddening. "It's just t-that when I'm o-o-on stage, r-really in character, I d-don't f-feel so anxious. I d-don't stutter."

Richie grinned from ear to ear, "I'm proud of ya man. While I personally would love to be Romeo, I can settle for a side character this time."

Both boys returned to practicing their lines, waiting eagerly in the auditorium for auditions to begin. A few minutes passed before they were joined by Ben, Mike, and Stan.

"Stan the Man! Finally wising up and auditioning for the play, I see," Richie exclaimed, running over to the boy and hooking his arm around his shoulder

Shoving the arm off him, Stan muttered with a sigh, "Bev made me."

"Me too!" cried Mike, trying to hold in his laughter.

"And me! Bev's really hoping to play Juliet this year," Ben mused. "She's been working so hard, and isn't she just an amazing actress?"

Bill and Richie locked eyes. Bev and Audra were new roommates, following Audra's falling out with her previous roommate, Bev being the only girl with a single. Hopefully the play wouldn't throw a rock into their relationship.

Five minutes 'til auditions- it was crunch time. The entire gang had their eyes glued to their copies of the play, trying to calm their nerves.

Richie heard the auditorium door creak open and smiled, unable to contain his joy. _Eddie_.

***

The following day, the group gathered outside the auditorium, staring at the posted cast.

_Everyone is guaranteed a spot in the chorus._   
_Principals:_   
_Nurse- Beverly Marsh_   
_Benvolio- Stanley Uris_   
_Tybalt- Bill Denbrough_   
_Mercutio- Richie Tozier_   
_Romeo- Eddie Kaspbrak_   
_Juliet- Audra Phillips_   
_..._

Bill was fuming. "Eddie, I didn't know you were auditioning."

With a low chuckle, Eddie replied, "Neither did I. Decided that afternoon."

"Just like that, huh?" Bill deadpanned, struggling to keep his frustration at bay. Of course the role of Romeo would go to Derry's resident golden boy.

"Hey Romeo," Audra chimed in. She came up behind Eddie, wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her chin on his shoulder. "Guess we'll be getting a lot closer, won't we?" Audra skipped away, winking as she left.

The gang tried to laugh, but an awkward silence was blooming as they stared at the cast list.

Bev knew she didn't look the part, but her heart ached, envy for her roommate rising. "She always gets what she wants, doesn't she," Bev muttered to herself.

Like always, Richie took a swing at breaking the tension. "Sooo Audra's birthday is in a week, right? Billy Boy, didn't you have an idea for how we should celebrate?"

Bill was startled from his trance, trying to take his mind off of Audra and Eddie, Eddie and Audra. "Uhh yeah, s-s-since she's n-new to our group, I w-w-was thinking we should t-throw her a surprise party, j-just something small."

Mike raised his eyebrows, "Small, sure, yes of course."

"So you guys will help?"

Glances were exchanged. "C'mon Bill, where's the trust?"

Returning to the scene, hearing her new friends chatting, Audra interrupted, "Trust for what?"

Rushing to get an answer out, Ben stammered, "We're just talking about the rave tomorrow! Everything's in order, right Bev?"

Bev shrugged, "I've got the drugs."

Richie let out a loud laugh. "The usual?"

Richie's laugh was contagious, and Bev couldn't help but grin. "Actually... I've got some new shit." She jokingly stood up on a nearby chair, announcing, "Girls and boys, our show today is brought to you by the letters G and K!"

She received a choir of cheers and whoops. "Though different, they will definitely enhance your ecs-perience," she preached, wiggling her eyebrows. The gang continued to laugh as Bev tacked on a warning, "But be careful, GHB can be intense. I don't want to be taking care of your ass if you OD."

Stan, the responsible one, reminded the group, "Okay, but we don't have a ride."

"Bill has the keys to the church's van!" interjected Eddie.

"So I should s-s-steal the van?" Bill stuttered, fairly shocked.

"No... borrow!"

"Come ooon Bill, it'll be fun! One little sin."

"I don't know, m-maybe."

Audra sauntered up to Bill, pecking him on the cheek. "Maybe?"

Bill sighed, still clearly hesitant. He looked at Audra and forced a smile, "Alright, alright."

***

The rave was loud. Crowded. Kinda gross.

EDM music blared on the speakers. Lights flashed. People cheered. Bodies grinded.

The whole gang was having the times of their lives until they heard a crash as Audra fell to the floor.

Bill and Bev ran to her side. Trying to talk over the noise, Bill shouted, "W-What's wrong with her?"

Bev analyzed her. "She's falling out. Just needs some fresh air. I can take-"

"No I've got this," Bill interrupted, sweeping Audra up in a bridal carry. "You've done enough."

Trying to ignore the tension, Richie dragged Eddie through the crowd, away from their friends. He placed his hands on the shorter boy's shoulders, slowly sliding them down to rest on Eddie's hips. He tightened his grip, pulling Eddie close.

Eddie giggled, "Starting to feel it?"

"Nah, I barely had any. Don't need it to enjoy this."

They danced for a while, definitely not leaving enough room for Jesus. Caught up in the moment, Richie leaned down for a kiss. Startled, Eddie shoved his partner away from him, taking a few steps back.

Richie just stared in silence, confused.

"I need some air."

Richie let himself be dragged out of the building by Eddie. He could feel the cool air against his skin. As soon as they were out of sight, Eddie grabbed Richie's shirt, yanking him down for a deep, passionate kiss. The taller boy melts into the kiss for a second before pulling back abruptly.

"Couldn't kiss me inside?" Richie sighed, incredulously.

"I said I needed some air, you know how my asth-"

"Yeah, I heard you."

An awkward silence lingered between the two, neither able to make eye contact. The wind was chilly, stinging Richie's eyes, which were already dangerously close to spilling tears.

"Rich," Eddie began softly, hurt obvious in his voice. "One day, the world will be accepting of us. We just need to have faith. God, I want nothing more than to be with you, but we need to be realistic. Can't we just be grateful for what we have?"

Richie remained silent, looking away from his partner. He loved Eddie and was willing to sacrifice everything for him. But he was so in love that he didn't want to keep it hidden anymore.

Eddie came from behind, wrapping his arms around the taller boy's middle. "Let me wipe away your doubts, Richie. You can trust me."

Richie turned to face Eddie. "You are all that I have ever wanted. I treasure every fucking second we have together. But I'm tired of having to hide how I feel in public! I wish we could just be together and not give a shit about what anyone else thinks!"

Eddie pursed his lips, head shaking in disapproval. Before he could speak, Richie escaped his grasp and continued, "Hundreds of people saw us dancing together at the rave, and no one gave a flying fuck! You say have faith, so why don't you give the world a chance?"

"A chance to what, Richie? A chance to see how cruel the world can be?" Eddie's voice rose. "This? This is a fantasy! After tonight, we go back to school, where we will have religion shoved down our throats. Just think it through."

"I think it through, and you just shut me out! You're such a fucking coward."

Eddie eyes bore into Richie's soul, his stare firm and cold. "And you're delusional."

They both stared at their feet. Sure they've fought before, but they have never exchanged such hurtful words.

Richie broke the silence with a whisper, "You know, things can't go on like this forever."

Eddie sighed, "God, all this forever, can't you live for today?"

There was a pain in Richie's chest. He couldn't do anything to prevent the tears that started streaming down his cheeks. "We have to grow up, or we're going to miss out. Eds, there's so much more to love."

"Don't call me that," Eddie exclaimed, habitually. They shared an awkward and quiet laugh. Eddie grabbed Richie's hand, once again pulling him close. With his free hand, he brushed away Richie's tears, gently cradling his face. "It's best kept secret, I promise."

Richie looked down at Eddie and nodded his head silently. "I love you, Eddie."

Eddie stared into his lover's eyes, pulling him in for a kiss, unbeknownst of their fateful observer.

***

Audra seemed to be mostly conscious, finally able to sit up straight on the bench. She definitely had too much for one night, but the fresh air did numbers.

"Thanks Billy Boy for taking such... good care of me," she mumbled, giggling.

Bill, smiling, wrapped an arm around her, feeling her head rest against his shoulder. He could feel himself drifting off in the silence when he was startled awake by some arguing in the distance.

He couldn't make out what the voices were saying, but he was intrigued. Bill laid Audra, who was out cold, fully on the bench, and tiptoed towards the ruckus.

The sound seemed to halt, but Bill turned a corner just in time to hear a soft "I love you" and to see two of his closest friends kissing.


	3. One Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologizing in advance for my inability to write sonia kaspbrak (tw- homophobic language)
> 
> songs of the chapter:  
> "Birthday, Bitch"  
> "One Kiss"  
> "Are You There?"

They had managed to successfully jam six people into Bev and Audra's cramped dorm room. They had  _ not _ managed to keep quiet in the slightest.

Richie successfully smuggled copious amounts of alcohol, and the entire gang had been drinking for the past hour, trying to make the party setup bearable. Well, everyone except for Bill, who was hurrying around trying to hold things together. Considering the chaos, he was evidently failing.

"I made brownies!" Bev announced, everyone running to grab a piece. "They're dope," she said with a wink. 

Either he wasn't paying attention or he was too drunk to hear, but Richie grabbed a handful, shoveling it into his mouth, "God, I'm starving."

Ben, who had already had too much to drink, fell back onto Bev's bed. "I may have to crash her tonight, there's no way I'm making it back to my room."

Bev pursed her lips. Still upset about auditions, and too drunk to try and hide it, she shouted, "What the hell! The bed's still warm 'cause Audra never sleeps alone!"

Startled to hear such harsh words to come from Bev, Eddie wondered, she did have somewhat of a reputation. 

"That's e-e-enough, Bev," Bill commented, narrowing his eyes. "They'll b-b-be here any m-minute."

"Aww, Big Bill, trying so hard to get into Audra's pants? She'd fuck you without any of this, you know."

Richie marched up beside Bev, emptying a paper bag onto the bed, spilling condoms everywhere. He raised his eyebrows and flashed a toothy grin, "Open shop, take all you need."

Bev grabbed a handful and chucked them towards Bill. "I'd wear at least three," she deadpanned, looking at Bill very seriously, which garnered a chorus of laughter from the gang.

Stan, who had remained awfully quiet throughout all the commotion, suddenly shouted, "They're here!"

The lights were killed, and a wave of silence washed over the group. 

As Mike guided a confused Audra through the door, the entire gang leaped upwards, screaming, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!"

The crowd settled, and Bill walked up the Audra to deliver a personal, "Happy birthday!"

She smiled up at Bill, wrapping her arms around his waist and placing a quick kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, this was very sweet of you," she cried, uncontrollably giggling.

Turning to Mike, Bill asked accusingly, "Dude what h-happened to her? She's w-w-wasted!"

Mike just grinned back, shrugging, "You said to keep her busy."

***

The party was loud like the rave. Gross like the rave. Maybe less grinding but one can't be too sure 

Richie clumsily stumbled up to Eddie, dragging him directly under a dick shaped pinata dangling from the ceiling. He wiggled his eyebrows, smirking suggestively, "Do you wanna play?"

Eddie laughed, staring at the paper macheed member, "God no, what the fuck even is that?"

Richie, leaned down, pressing his mouth to Eddie's ear and giggling, "I wish your pinata was that big."

Laughter erupted from the smaller boy's mouth. "You do know those were fucking pot brownies, right?"

Richie smiled shamelessly, "Whoops?"

The music at the party raged, but dancing with Eddie, looking at Eddie, being with Eddie- Richie felt timeless. He hummed, bringing his body closer to Eddie's. "I want to go back to the rave, the two of us dancing together, out there in the open. So what's stopping us now? I don't give a fuck who knows."

Eddie roughly shoved him away, "Fuck, lower your voice. What is wrong with you?"

"Eds, I think we're missing so much." Richie pleaded, grabbing Eddie's hands. "I just want to tell the whole fucking world how much I love-"

Audra sauntered over, twirling the pinata stick. "Hey Romeo, any good with a stick?"

Eddie dropped Richie's grasp, thin lips upturning. It was more of a grimace than a smile. "What have you heard?"

Something glinted in her eyes as she leaned towards Eddie, teasing, before slowly backing away. "Come show me."

Eddie went on the balls of his feet, starting to follow. A little flirting never hurt anyone, right?

"Eds, don't go," Richie said softly, unsuccessfully trying to hide the hurt in his voice.

"God, Richie "

"Please... don't go."

"You've gotta stop acting like this, Rich."

Richie's eyes darkened, but there was a fire burning in them. "Like what, your boyfriend?"

***

"Is he okay?" Audra questioned, grabbing Eddie's arm and yanking him towards her.

"Yeah, he's just fucked up."

Giggling, Audra replied, "That makes two of us."

Bill came from behind, placing a hand on Audra's shoulder, "D-Dance with me." 

Annoyed at the interruption, Audra forced a smile. "Next song."

Bill let out a hesitated, "Okay."

"Bill, next song. I'll come find you."

"Y-you might n-not. Anyways, I-I-I was thinking that m-maybe later-"

"Bill, I'm talking to later," Audra stated firmly, turning back towards Eddie. With a quick glare, Bill was gone.

Audra locked eyes with Eddie. "You know, I've spent the whole party, waiting for us to be alone." 

Eddie forced a laugh, trying to relieve the building tension.

"But you must have known," Audra continued, bring herself closer, "I'm sure you've noticed the way I stare."

While Eddie was short, Audra was even shorter. She went up on her toes, leaning towards Eddie, but he pulled back, shocked. "You're wasted, and this is wrong."

Clearly undeterred, Audra pushed, "And why is that?"

"It could wreck a friendship." Eddie thought of Richie, a best friend who had become something more. But he shoved those thoughts as deep down as he could. In this moment, it was only him and Audra.

"So uh, how about that French kiss- I mean, French test?" stammered Eddie, failing to pivot the conversation. 

She deepened her stare, eyes burning into Eddie's head. Smiling mischievously, she recited, "'Voulez vouz coucher...'" Pausing in her inebriated state, she looked towards Eddie, "Oh, what's the rest?"

Faltering, Eddie continued, "'Avec moi,' I think it goes."

"It could." Audra let out a low chuckle. "It's been quite a birthday."

"Did you get anything good?" 

"Didn't get what I wished for." Audra took a step forward.

"And what was that?" Eddie took a step back.

Audra moved quickly, wrapping her arms behind Eddie's neck. She brought her lips to his ears, whispering, "Do you want to kiss me?"

Paralyzed in shock, Eddie repeated, "Want to kiss you..."

He should want to kiss her. God, she was gorgeous, but he felt nothing. This was what he was supposed to do: meet a girl, fall in love, start a family, a house and a white picket fence. It was what was expected of him. 

His mother's voice rang in his ears.  _ Eddie-bear, be a good boy. Be nice to the pretty girl. You don't want people to think you're a dirty fag, do you? You wouldn't do that to your mama right? _

But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get one tall, lanky idiot out of his head. Soft curls that gently cradled his face. Piercing eyes, framed like art.

"Don't you want me just like I want you?" Audra's face was dangerously close to Eddie's, her gaze deepening. He could feel her hot breath dance across his lips. "Please, grant the birthday girl her wish."

Eddie hesitated. What would his mother say?  _ Eddie-bear, she's a pretty girl. She'd make a good wife, she can take care of you. _ "Okay, one kiss."

Eddie closed the gap between them, ignoring his better judgement and falling deep into the kiss.

***

Bill stumbled outside the school's chapel clutching a bottle of wine to his chest, taking swigs here and there. He heard mumbling from inside. "God, are you there?"

Bill was intrigued. The mumbles, barely decipherable, grew louder, concluding in a sharp, "Fuck!"

"Wh-Who's out there?"

A figured emerged out of the chapel. "Bill?" 

"Richie? Everything all right?" The skin surrounding his eyes were red and puffy. 

Bill extended his harm holding the bottle, "Here, have some wine."

Richie's eyes widened, snatching the bottle from Bill, analyzing it. "This is fucking holy wine!"

"Calm the f-f-fuck down. F-father hasn't blessed it y-yet."

"Well, in that case." Richie threw his head back, downing the contents of the bottle.

Bill was amused. "Have the rest."

When Richie had drained every last drop of wine, he threw the bottle down with full force, glass shattering. "Life fucking sucks."

Bill almost cackled at that statement, he couldn't agree more. "Wh-Why'd you leave the p-p-party?"

"I was getting kinda bored."

"Yeah... me too."

Awkward silence surrounded the two of them as they settled to the ground. Bill tried to speak, but he couldn't find any words. He was glad that he didn't need to.

"There's another reason..." Richie muttered, fiddling with his fingers.

Bill turned his attention towards the boy, eyes almost as wild as his hair. "Yeah?"

"Getting ignored... Fuck! It's the worst."

Bill could no longer contain his amusement, letting out a low chuckle. "I'll drink to that," he announced, raising an imaginary glass.

"God!" Richie exclaimed, looking toward the sky, "He needs to give me more."

Bill thought back to what he saw at the rave. Images of Richie and Eddie flashed through his mind.  _ He _ . Did he mean God... or Eddie?

Bill grabbed Richie's bicep. Against his better judgement, he wondered out loud, "Wh-wh-who's leading?"

Startled, Richie slowly lowered his gaze to meet Bill's, his eyes larger than ever behind his thick glasses. "Wh-What?"

"Thought the st-st-stutter was m-my thing," Bill softly laughed. "Who usually l-leads?"

Richie hesitated, but joined in the laughter. He stood up, stumbling, Bill following his lead. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the weed, maybe he was just emotional, but he leaned toward Bill and whispered softly, " _Not Eddie_."


	4. Ever After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hellooo sorry for being away for a bit! i've been in australia for a photography course and have been spending a lot of my free time editing photos
> 
> (tw homophobic language)
> 
> songs of the chapter:  
> "911! Emergency"  
> "Reputation Stain'd"  
> "Ever After"  
> "One"

For the next couple months following the party, Richie's nights were plagued with a recurring dream. Nightmare? He didn't know. How many nightmares featured the Virgin Mary? 

She always says the same things. He didn't want to believe it, but it's been so long. Richie was tired of fighting the truth.

_ The secrets out. You told someone, there's no going back. There's no more hiding, Richie. Time to make a phone call. Time to tell your parents. Not a secret anymore. _

***

Rehearsal had been going on for months, and Eddie still dreaded every second of it; the weight of Audra’s kiss growing each day. It only made it worse that Audra insisted on spending every possible second she could with him.

“Will I see you later?” Audra voiced slyly, interrupting his thoughts.

“Yeah… I think so.”

“Try again.”

“Yes, you’ll see me later.” That seemed to make Audra happy. Eddie couldn’t comprehend why he cared. Maybe it was less about Audra and more about the world’s perception of him.

Richie swiftly entered the auditorium, staring at his feet. Though they lived together and saw each other at rehearsals, they had scarcely spoken following Audra’s party. Sure, they discussed homework and ran lines, and yes, they still couldn’t fall asleep without each other, but it was different. Eddie missed the way things were.

“Hey,” Richie mumbled, eyes not reaching Eddie’s. “Where were you last night? I waited up.”

“Um… I crashed at Audra’s.”

“Oh really?” In their five second exchange, Richie never made eye contact with Eddie. Eddie missed his eyes; they were beautiful, even with those ridiculous glasses.

“Let’s get amateur hour started!” Stan called from somewhere in the room. “Places for the fight scene.”

Bill began confidently, “Romeo, the love I bear thee can afford. No better term than this, thou art villain.” They say to channel emotions through acting, and Bill was effectively conveying the disdain towards Eddie that had been growing throughout the semester.

“Tybalt, the reason that I have to love thee doth much excuse that appertaining rage to such a greeting. Villain I am none, farewell. I see thou knowst me not.”

Swords clashed, the piercing sounds echoing throughout the auditorium. With every collision, Bill felt his blood boiling, the temperature of his body rising.  _ I should be Romeo. I should be with Audra. _ Bill began putting his full weight behind thrusts, throwing Eddie off his balance and causing him to stumble.  _ Eddie was just a… just a… _

“Faggot!”

Eddie dropped his sword, startled. He slowly raised his gaze to Bill’s, eyes like steel. “What did you just call me?”

In a flash, Eddie threw himself at Bill, knocking him to the ground. “What the  _ fuck _ did you just call me?”

Mike and Ben ran to the wrestling boys, dragging them away from each other. They looked to Stan who just rolled his eyes in disbelief. “Okay then, everybody out!”

The entire cast and crew made their way to the exit, but Richie caught Eddie’s wrist before he could move. “What was that about?”

Still processing the events that had just occurred, Eddie just shook his head. “I don’t know.”

Richie’s expression softened. “Well, listen. I know things have been… tense between us, but I’ve been having this dream, or vision. The Virgin Mary… she told me I need to tell my parents about us, so what are you doing for spring break?”

“Right. Let’s go, we’re gonna be late for class.”

“Eds, stop, listen to me.”

Eddie turned back sharply. “What? You’re kidding right?”

Hurt bloomed across Richie’s face. “No. I need to tell them. And I need you there when I do it.”

Eddie looked at him incredulously. “Yeah, let’s… let’s tell your parents, so they can then call my mother, who will immediately flip her fucking shit. Then, maybe, if she’s feeling nice, she’ll drag me away from this fucking school. Or maybe, maybe she’ll just lock me in my room for the rest of my life until I’m no longer  _ sick _ . I’ll say goodbye to Notre Dame and never get out of this fucking town. So yeah, let’s tell them. When do we leave?” By the end of his spiel, Eddie was practically shouting.

Richie took a step foward, reaching for Eddie’s hand, bringing the two closer together. He lowered his hands slowly, resting on Eddie’s waist. “Eds, I can’t deal with this anymore. I mean, you’re all I have, don’t you get that?” Richie’s eyes looked wild, magnified by the lenses. “I have to talk about this.”

“Are you out of your mind?”

“Maybe this doesn’t have to be such an issue! Look, in a couple of months, we’ll be out of here where it won’t be a problem.”

Eddie couldn’t bring himself to stop thinking about his mom. “No, Richie, this is always going to be a problem.” He tried to pull away, but Richie’s grip remained firm.

“What are you saying?” Richie uttered, startled by the harshness in Eddie’s voice.

Eddie grabbed Richie's arm, removing it from its place around his waist. With a scream of frustration, Eddie shoved Richie to the ground. The sound of his glasses cracking was deafening.

"This... us... whatever... it needs to stop."

Looking up at Eddie, Richie, for the first time, felt true anger at the person he thought he loved. The ground was cool against his skin, burning with rage. Eddie gritted his teeth and offered him a hand, wincing at the boy beneath him, but Richie just stared.

"Who the fuck are you? I look at you, and I have no fucking clue who you've become."

Eddie froze. Richie noticed the pain in his eyes, but couldn't contain the words spilling out of his mouth.

"You know, I thought you were my hero." Richie spat. "And now... you're just some straight-acting coward!"

"Who are you to blame this all on me?" Eddie retorted. "You're the one who went ahead and changed the rules! We were fine until you fucking decided that you were tired of keeping this secret. You know what kind of world we fucking live in!"

Richie felt something tighten in his chest. He wanted to just wrap his arms around Eddie and never let go, go back to how things were before. But he kept staring at the boy berating him and saw a face he did not recognize.

Heaving, Eddie continued, "You think this is some fucking fairytale, but happily ever after doesn't exist for people like us! It's time to wake up, Richie. There are no such things as heroes who are queer."

At Eddie's last words, Richie felt tears forming at the corners of his eyes. He slowly got back to his feet. "So much for forever, huh? All that I wanted was you... you were my tomorrow." Richie slowly backed away, head pounding. He could barely comprehend the exchange of words.

Eddie glanced at his feet. "Richie, promise you won't say anything, to anyone."

He watched Richie walk away, taking his heart with him.

***

When Eddie returned to the room. Richie was nowhere to be seen. Gone already for spring break.

Eddie collapsed onto his perfectly made bed, elbows resting on his knees, palms pressed against his cheeks, now wet with tears. 

He stared across the room. Everything looked the same, he could see Richie's textbooks, old papers from past assignments, scattered around the desk. Richie's bed remained unmade, God he couldn't even tidy up before break. The mess was almost comforting, but it felt... empty.

His eyes focused on the bed. Eddie couldn't remember the last time he slept in his own bed. A wave of memories flooded his mind.

Gripping sheets. Intimate glances. Tender kisses.

Warm embraces. Bodies slotted together perfectly, like it was meant to be.

Everything he lost. 

Eddie's thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. Before he could respond, the handle was turning, and Audra walked through the door. "Hey."

Eddie forced a half smile, "Hey."

"Leaving soon?"

"Tonight."

Audra invited herself in, closing the door behind her, leaning against it. "Same."

A thick silence filled the room, enveloping the pair like fog. Audra filled the empty space next to Eddie on the bed. "I didn't want to take off before apologizing for the way I acted at my party," she started. "I was wasted, I didn't mean to... throw myself at you."

Eddie released a strained laugh. "It's okay... it was cute."

"I meant what I said." She paused, bringing her hand to Eddie's chin, tilting his face so their eyes were locked. "My feelings for you are real.”

“But why?”

“There’s something about you, Eddie,” Audra spoke, confidently. “I can’t put my finger on it.” She looped her arms behind Eddie’s neck, drawing the boy closer.

Eddie couldn’t focus on her words. His heart was aching for the love he lost. His head was pounding with the words of his mother.  _ Good job for getting rid of that boy. See, you’re better now. He was just making you sick. _

Without comprehending his actions, Eddie shoved Audra back onto his bed, pressing their bodies together.  _ This is right. _

Clothes were pulled off in an instant. Mouths everywhere, kisses a mess. Two bodies became one.

_ This is right. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this wasn't my best but i enjoyed writing it and i hope you still enjoyed reading it!


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